One Woman's Journey through Fertility and her views of the Alabama Supreme Court Ruling.
I am a lucky, proud mom of two children. Both required a little extra help from wonderful, trained physicians who worked with me. I am neither embarrassed nor ashamed of this need for help, although, for some time, I was angry. We waited to have our kids; it was the right thing to do for us and our careers. Finally, a friend of mine said to me, “You know, you don’t actually hear a clock ticking; your body just stops being able to do what you want it to do.” Then I realized that I would have to work to get pregnant, I would have to THINK about it and plan for it. When I finally started to investigate why things weren’t working, I found out that “it only takes once” is a true statement that ignores all the math of averages and percentages - for so many, it takes WAY more than once. I would think, “why don’t they tell us about this? Why doesn’t anyone talk about it?”
My mom gave birth to 4 babies; the first was a breach, hit his head on her pelvic bone on the way out, and died at 2 days old. In between the next three successful pregnancies, she had two ectopic pregnancies and 4 miscarriages. She is the strongest woman I know, taking every challenge and moving forward. I once complained about being pregnant and she replied, “Oh, I know - I was basically pregnant for 10 years.”
My sister also had IVF for her pregnancy. She implanted two embryos and lost one in a miscarriage – this is not uncommon when multiples are implanted.
My first son was born with the help of IUI, intrauterine insertion, basically the turkey baster approach. I had been taking Clomid (medication) and was ovulating but was not having success. At my OB’s office, I was getting yet another ultrasound, and he said, “Your follicles are ready to go … let’s get a little help this time.” The next thing I knew, it was a Saturday, and I was meeting a fertility doctor, and we had the procedure. To our great happiness, we knew we were pregnant two weeks later, and it was all relatively painless and fairly simple.
My second son was an IVF baby. I tried a complete round in which we managed to produce a single embryo; once, it did not implant. Next, we did what is called batching, where we had several rounds of IVF and fertilized them all. Once we had a number of embryos, we tested them to ensure they were genetically viable. The theory is that this minimizes the chance of miscarriage because every embryo is genetically viable. Again, a bit of math for you. I averaged 6 or so eggs a harvest, typically 40% would become embryos, and of those, after genetic testing, two embryos were viable for implantation. During that time, I had to go to the doctors for bloodwork every other day, shoot myself with hormones, take various pills, push through the mood swings, and keep managing my life as a full-time working mom. It was hard, exhausting, and costly in terms of money, time, and emotion. Frequently, as I was rushing to the Doctors around work appointments, I would be yelling in the car and crying to friends or my mom. It is for this reason that I feel so deeply for the families that lost their frozen embryos in Alabama. It is so costly, both financially, emotionally, and mentally… to lose that security that you have already gone through the incredibly challenging process, and the idea that you might have a child when it is right for you… that would be devastating.
I only wanted one child and implanted that one embryo successfully. During my pregnancy, I had a near miscarriage where my husband, my then 3 yr old child, and I spent the night in the hospital in a near panic (not to mention the pain and vomiting). Our remaining embryo remains on ice. Not for a particular reason, I had a very hard pregnancy and tied my tubes when I delivered my second son. I loudly informed my husband that “THIS BODY” was closed – we could always use a surrogate if we REALLY wanted to. I did not dispose of the embryo for years for no reason other than it had been so hard, so drawn out, that I did not want to let go of the embryo even though I was not planning to use it. It is such an odd thing to think about. You have a potential life that probably won’t make it, and there is a sentiment to that. Frankly, after a few years, I forgot about it. Again, not intentional, just not something I dealt with, or maybe i didn’t want to deal with it.
I don’t feel you can go through all those trials and misses, all the drugs, the blood draws, the attempts, all the ultrasounds to watch several follicles grow and not one “take”, the harvesting of eggs for only a few to become embryos and the implantations that don’t work, all the miscarriages, the spotting and midnight runs to the hospital… all of it, and believe that every embryo is a child or life. If that were the case, I would be curled up in a ball, destroyed by the lives that did not make it. I’m not a Supreme Court justice, I’m not a doctor, but I am a mom who has a healthy respect for life and a love for my children. There is no way that I would have had to go through so much and put forth such great effort if every embryo at that earliest stage was, in fact, a life. When I think about recent court rulings and how it makes it SO difficult for women to get the help they need and want to have the family they desire, I can’t help but think this is a case of well-intentioned people who have created a very negative outcome due to lack of understanding and thought.
If you, like me, need a little extra help to make your family's dreams come true, think about the long-term costs and decisions you must make before you begin fertility treatments. Consider that storage for embryos is about $1,000 a year or more depending on where you live, and decide what you will do with that embryo as a couple BEFORE you start the process. It will be hard to let go of an embryo, even if you know you won’t use it, so make your decisions before you embark on the journey. Also, talk to the fertility clinic about any risks you face by undergoing this process. We need the option to begin our families later, and we need the option for a bit of assistance for anyone. I wish you and your partner every possible success and the best possible outcomes. It is a long, hard journey that has just become a little harder, but hope is a strange driver that makes it all a bit easier. If you would like to know more about the costs and stages of IVF, please read this article here.
